On nights like these I feel like hiding
from everything
From my own million eyes which follow me everywhere
From my own thirsty fingertips which touch every grain of sand and every drop of rain
On nights like these I feel tired of just being there,
Of catching up with every train running through the mist
Of plucking every rose that wilt by the silverstrung lake
Of staring at the naked trees guarding the river from the faint feverish whispers of the wintry breeze
Wish I had a blanket to cover up the relentless moon
Wish I could wish away all my words, sighs and laughter
Wish I could be an owl and perch myself atop some broken temple-roof for centuries, oblivious to the arrows, the distances and the motions…..
I want to hide behind the dark waves and sleep like a beautiful child forever, without having to care about the masks and the mirrors
I want to trust the paper-boat
I want the sun to turn into a sunflower…..
Someday, all songbirds will fall off their nests,
all the puppets will plant poison seeds in the sky,
it’ll stop raining in the quaint green hills,
and the classrooms will remain frozen in the cold and empty silence for an eternity or maybe two….
But I don’t feel like waiting any longer
I am weary of sailing upstream,
These wounds are weary of hiding themselves behind my wings till they fade away
And the pale music yearns for some hollow cave to bury all her sorrows…
Baby,
Be my child
Be my worship
Be my hatred
Be whatever,
just let me sleep.
I’m too tired.
And the stage is not for me.
na rupam na vedana na samjna na samskara na vijnana
na chakshusha srotam na ghrana jihva kaya manah
na rupa sabda gandha rasa spistavya dharmah
na chakshur dhatur ya van na mano vijnanam dhatur
na vidya na vidya na vidya kshayo va vidya kshayo
ya van jaramaranam na jaramarana kshayo
na duhkha samudaya nirdoha margajna
na jnanam na prapti na bhismaya tasmai na prapti….
I want to sleep.
I want to go away
from everything,
from everyone,
from everywhere,
from this endless endlessness…..
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