Weakness

you know how weak you are

your feet tremble

one mistake and down

down like autumn leaves

in scream-choke spiral

down like a cascade

that never knew

when the angels of freedom will come

and they never come

no light to stare at, no darkness to hide behind

you know how weak your are

in a world where everyone

even those that claim compassion

claim to be against social Darwinism

worship strength, worship vitality

seem to stare at you like tall statues

of humanhood

stoic faces twitch – the moon twitches away

to the oblivion you are banished from

you know how weak you are

you are the rabbit, everywhen

and there’s headlight everywhere

and happy faces make you sad

and sad faces make you sadder

there’s the snake and there’s the ladder

you sit by the feet of the latter

and wait for the venom

between your eyes that have seen much,

that haven’t seen much –

and you want to move,

to run away, to break through

that liberating movement

towards those anklets, now broken

that once had rung like the bells of love

but your feet tells you to fuck off

you know how weak you are

when you want to cry

but your tears have dried

and you want to scream

but you are scared to bother the neighbours

and you want the heart to puke

but you are scared of the pain

and you want the soul to flood

but there’s no soul

and there’s no rain either

you know how weak you are

when you don’t feel like fighting on

and you don’t feel like giving up –

you don’t wish to accept

you don’t wish to reject

na hanyate

na hanyamane

Shadows hang heavy

over hills you once had wished to climb

to drop, like curtains, abrupt

over dreams bereft and longings forgone

and that’s all that there is –

A pendulum halted mid-air

A sonata chortled in transition

Dante beholding the stars

The stars beholding you