Am I Drunk Tonight?

The morgue – it points straight

To all

And more

Authenticity matters a lot

See the horses  - white

in full-moon, less murderous tonight

Than before

I... you want to know the truth, don’t you, baby?

I never cared. We went as far as life could take

Horses drown

In honey

Our depths speak

Pretending love, pretending truth

And empty morsels

My toys, your toys

My dad choked me on puke

Mom din’t care

I did.

And thus it goes

Strange, innit? Strange for strangers

Who’ll wait, or maybe

Who won’t

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She’s free and she’s there

Fascinated

By her toy pistol

She lays,

Her sense of humor –

Intact

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Thor and his hammer – my love

My friend

Ravished the weak links tonight

Soon, i’ll be off

Yes, it’ll take some time

For wounds to heal – as she

Says

But, ah well

I guess i’ll just be drunk tonight

You hear me,

Do you not?

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এভাবেই ষব খষে খষে জাএ

কিছু বোঝার আগেই

আবার, দুর্বোদ্ধো নামে

দুষ্টকীট, নষ্টকীট

কোন বাঞ্চোদ থামাএ প্রোক্রিআ কতোক্কখোন?

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Whiskey, boys,

It’s the light of lights

Three and three

Chickens have their answer to love –

Sweet love

I’ll make such sweet love to you tonight

That even the chickens will forget

All about empires

And, i remain, as i am

Closer to the dawn.

Closer to death

......................................................................................

They like to put signatures everywhere!

They don’t know it, but they’re funny

Heavy, put through, and

Damn fucking funny

..................................................................................................

Love songs

For the roaches

Suffocate them –

With all your pretexts

The allure knows

What does it know?

As if i fucking care

I care for you as much

As you cared for me

when you killed me

with all your kindness

.......................................................................

Ah, icecream vans

Running over kittens

On brutal mornings

When the sun gets orange

All of a sudden

And we, remain as we are

Dumb, kittenish

Awaiting icecream vans

..........................................

I should’ve carried flowers for the receptionist

I forgot,

They said, after one swimming pool of alcohol

they needed a peep through to my liver

I forgot those flowers

And i forgot to ask her

Whether she likes red or white ones

But before the birds spit at the bees

And the bees spit at the admen

I’ll get my flowers alright

And they’ll smell of gold and nothing

No one cares, save the receptionist

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Breathing in, breathing out

As the moon gets through to

The cows that moo

Ah, breathing in, flowing past

Asinine and happy for her

She got what she wants

She’s moving out abroad

I hoped to be sad

As luck would have it,

I’m not,

I’m worse

I’m passing through the astute beckoning

As if, they would’ve cared for all the indifference

Who talk of Shakespeare past midnoon

As if i would recognize

The helplessness of the ones truly lost

Like me, and like you

And, i’ll never care for you or you

Or for your false toys that talk

I’ll never.

I’m bad

Or maybe, i was good, i’m just too fucking shitdrunk

To care.

I care when i am drunk

Do you?

.............................................................................................................

Oh general are you not the bravest one around?

Your guns looked more real than mine

When, that day

That green island

Drowned

With sixteen blows up the asses of

All that ends

And all that doesn’t.

........................................................

Well known uniforms of fancy, baby

I still insist on lechery and love

With cigarettes stuck between

My mouth

And hostile anecdotes, or

Are they? Didn’t you tell them what a grand fool

I proved myself to be? Oh, you didn’t?

You make me stronger

Every passing day

Need i thank you for that?

Excuse the bridges

Those are not for anyone to pass through.

..............................................................................................

Yes, consignments don’t matter much to me

And neither does confinement

Almost akin to feelings,

Something like the torn leaves

I beat the rain to the pavements

And i eat the morsels of, well,

Of what?

..................................................................................................

And before you understand

Everything passes by

And insects have their party

Half past midnight

When the moon is red

Is it so, dear sir?

Is it so pretty ma’am?

You never cared when i was sad

And neither did i

When the bells tolled

............................................................................

Love, on its knees

Bleeding, like you and me

Fireflies choke

On my grasp

As she lies

Beside me

A sex machine’

A dawn of reckoning

....................................................

Everyone will hate me for this.

Everyone must, but dearest, do you remember

When the earth still smelled of the rain

And the sweaty navel of you and of your harshest fright –

Your body swirling past the muck,

Your brain, closer to mine than you expected

But not close enough to lash out at the sparks.

...............................................................................

Everyone becomes, and is happy being,

just like that

Monstrous, abhorrent of solitude,

Of insanity

And everything else, everything that’ll force a detour

And everything that’ll make them strike out

Even Chatterton took rat poison

Thinking of this

Or, did he?

Doesn’t matter

What matters is the fact that

Everyone freaks out

At the idea of insanity, of getting mad like hell

It’s a sad world

Where we cry,

Hands in pockets, collars pushed up

Poised, powerpointed, too busy to think or care

As if not breaking down at midnight

Makes them any better –

So they douse all they can, and refuse all

To have their open and naked say –

It’s as if choking the flow,

Jostling with everything that seeks to break out

Makes them any better.

I get bored pretty fast

Don’t you?

...............................................................

The um rhyme

Makes the world move

Does it not, sister?

If no one celebrates

Why bother?

Light up all you can light up

It’s you who’s celebrating

Because the chains have fallen apart

As wolves rape the innocence

Of dawn

And you, who cowered as the idea of insanity

Is not afraid of the wolves anymore

So why bother?

Set the world on fire, all by yourself

And the rest shall follow

And the gods shall love you

For what you did

Now, be silent for a while

For heaven’s sake

Let me contemplate

Loving you

Like i have never loved

.............................................................

I remember, five years back

When i could please myself without having to watch stuff

And when the idea of high heels used to get my pecker – up

Above the world so high – i needed no help from outside –

Nothing, no booze and no weed

Could ever possibly match up to the audacity of challenging God

And the fires that would play through my nerves – back then

I loved the radio – all the FM channels that make me want to puke my soul out –

If there’s one that is – ah well

I used to think that i was god – i thank that even today, just that

Faces were clearer then – even broken bits of them.

...................................

Everything just fucks the status quo up

Honestly, i don’t like it in here

One blow job from one uptown bitch

And you blow your half a month’s salary up

Tell me, friends, is this worth it?

Yes, i too, can love and hate

And i too can fall off, like an autumn leaf –

Guts, punched out

Heavens, splattered asunder.

Hah, i’ve grown taller than the skies

So much so that i can’t even cry anymore

Is it worth it? Honestly, is it?

I have used the word ‘honestly’ twice up there

Honestly, that’s none of your fucking business

................................................................................

It sucks, waiting here,

For the rain

For the bread

For the ass

With sweat trickling down armpit

And observing, from a safe distance –

The whole damn sky on fire

The tip of icebergs to hunt you down

To darkest caves.

Your inside is convoluted

You are convoluted from inside

You know that there are colours everywhere

Just that, you won’t bother to see them bright enough

To cut through your flesh, to grind your bones –

Your dick, my dick, your pussy

Ah, i don’t have a pussy

It’s just that the snow

Gets into my eyes

And roses refuse to bloom

Before the due penchant for thirst arrives.

.......................................................................................

You say you’re sad to leave – you kid me, don’t you?

Down here, the goldfishes are placid

And the tramcars are indifferent – it’s just

Just the dust weaving our colours –

You won’t mind that, even if you aren’t sad,

Will you?

I feel like crying

I won’t

The goldfishes are still there

And so are the trams through dusty colours.

.................................................................................

I’m just a sad boy who writes when sad

And just that –

Falsely in lovely with truth

And truly,

In love with falsity

As curtains tremble in breeze

And things pretty much begin and end with this

This, i dunno, just this being here i guess,

On my knees

Begging mercy

Begging the rain

And that’s it in here

Don’t iron the years out –

Let me be, spiteful of your way of life

Seeking vendetta against mine,

Wild, madly, against the stars

Ah, the stars are ablaze tonight

Why do you lose out on steam?

This, dearest, is not the right time

And nothing close to it, by far.

.................................................................................. 

A you speak of flags i see

Don’t you know that i have mine too?

There are way too many lousy posers out here

Who think they care for stuff, ranging from insects

To humanity in general

Hah, as if. And hahah!

The moon will still drown in honey

The skies will still be ablaze

They don’t care for you

No one does, save yourselves.

...........................................................................

The hookers whom i fucked

Shall rule the world some day

And the others whom i didn’t

Shall inherit

This is the scheme i lay down

For the losers, the boozers, and the other jokers who deign to dream

As crickets set my nerves on fire.

...........................................................................................

A poem of love i write to thee

You’re free, you’re free

(and now that you’re free enough,

Do refrain from bothering me)

Now look,

I love them all,

But i love you a bit more

Than the rest

So why complain?

...............................................................................................

Buddy, the women you sought

Are happy tonight

The horses you rode

Ride the tides

This monstrous beckoning

And yes, the dementia too –

Well, flowers in flowerpots –

This night, these nights

Make you feel like you’ve lost it, FINALLY

And you look retarded when you’re pensive.

Everything must rape you now, mustn’t they?

................................................................................

Ah, yawn.

The dawn strides down

In golden flip-flops

Through the sand

The moths are tired too

The tiger can’t stand before me –

Like the hours i kneel before

The tiger and the dawn my screw one another

I don’t care.

Dawn arrives

In blue pyjamas

Piranhas sink,

In dreams of love

In dreams of hate

...............................................................................................

Snakes, hissing past

Me. Fog gathers.

Church and the lion’s mane, bits of dead ants

Angry vultures, hungry slaves.

Everything – this damn crowd knows of here

Repulses me, as i unfurl this flag you’ve always wanted to see aflutter –

Yeah, one more bridge, but i’m the sort who speaks. A lot.

So, don’t bother. I don’t mean everything i say.

Or maybe i do.

.........................................................................................................

bereft, like the children of this cold hour

i creep towards you, yes, i am a reptile once again

and i shall be whatever i want to be.

Love is sweet. Love breaks the sky apart.

.......................................................................................................................

Am i drunk tonight?

Goblins ride on roosters

Green eyes shining, shining for this melody

Of the aftertaste

And thus, it moves

Tumbling through

The squares that hide the circles. It’s all in geometry –

Even the death-charms, here.

And so were the mammoths.

Am i drunk tonight?

Won’t you sing a sad song when i break?

Or when the waves break the mountains?

...................................................................................................

Get a grip, boy

You are weaker than me, i know

But it’s snowing now

And i can’t afford to be blind

And neither can you.

............................................................................................................

Everything that motivates –

Rotates round the spine

Everything that doesn’t, just stays there.

It’s all mechanical, isn’t it all mechanical?

Okay, that’s enough for two hours of fertility

I’ll sleep now. Look, i really need to. Will you write my assignments for me? You won’t, right?

So, why bother?

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