Waiting for things to fall in place
Waiting for all this boredom to somehow disappear
Waiting for the next train, the next letter, the next strong drink, the next good fuck
And some more waiting
And there you have:
An entire civilization stretching out to the horizon
And rain is a rather stupid metaphor for many things.
To be up all night drinking and writing and listening to music and watching porn and jerking off thrice and G-Talking with random semi-known people who remain up all night drinking and writing and listening to music and watching porn and jerking off thrice and are as lonely and as soulblanked as you isn’t much of a statement. It’s not about angst or phlegm or hyperreactive and distressed loneliness on any such shit. It’s not even about appreciating the gigantic tits that used to haunt your teenage dreams. It’s a form of wisdom we gain over the ages.
And things get cold all around you.
And you realise that you are getting older and that things that used to excite you once fail to do so now.
And your Rebellion is weak and cold and it sleeps by the fire.
And that before long you will get your nine to five and your reserved pussy and all that your parents had once told you to procure for yourself before they are dead.
And so, you are up all night drinking and writing and listening to music and watching porn and jerking off thrice and G-Talking with random semi-known people and you realise that you fit into a certain type. That makes you happy because now you know that you are not unique.
And, like your parents and teachers and other well-wishers have told you, maybe in not as many words, being unique is an unhappy state of being.
And now, you are happy.
Once, when i was in high school,
I saw a kitten being run over by a bicycle.
The cyclist sped up and fled, but the kitten did not die,
At least not then. And then this girl from my school who used to wear braces
Picked her up and got up on her car.
I never had a crush on her, but i was in a good mind to see what happened to the kitten
My parents could barely afford my education and so having a car was out of question
And so I took the bus home from the opposite side of the street.
I never saw her since that day, and i was told that she had left India with her family.
Almost six years have passed
I have never left Calcutta except to travel or to intern occasionally and I am studying to be lawyer
I have seen at least half a dozen lame cats since then.
A few weeks back, i stumbled across her profile on facebook.
She doesn’t wear braces now and, as her profile picture suggests,
She has a really pretty smile, or maybe her dp has been photoshopped with great care.
She is back in Calcutta now and is living in with her boyfriend somewhere in this great city.
It seems like she is a photographer or something, and her boyfriend, who is also on facebook, is a dentist.
I sent her a friend request which was duly accepted but we have not communicated.
I still have no crush on her and i am still curious to know what happened to the kitten.
But of course i won’t ask her because that would be slightly awkward.